A (the?) Nerde writes

Why haven’t we heard from Victor Latrine?

I think I have the answer. On Oct 25th it is reliably reported that Victor was in Moscow gathering support for his presidential bid from President Vladimir Putin.

That afternoon Victor returned to London on a British Airways flight and the next day was seen in the company of a certain Mr Litvinenko who later became famous at the only man killed with a nuclear poison.

Strangely a few days later a very large sum of money arrived in our campaign account from the Narodny Bank.

Since the end of October there have been no reliable sightings of Victor and we have concluded that either he has succumbed to nuclear poisoning himself or has had to ‘go to ground’.

We, at the campaign headquarters, meanwhile are left in a difficult position with a vast sum of money ready to be spent on adverting, bribery, and general PR etc. but cannot do a thing until we hear from Victor.

I have written to the Narodny Bank and asked them to assure our patron that the money will be used for it rightful purpose and that only small amounts have been spent on essential administrative expenses.

I myself will be away from the office for the next week or so following up reports that Victor has been sighted in Monte Carlo.

Bon Voyage - Nerde